As I was trying to achieve perfectly aligned pig-tails…not too high, not too low, not too perky, but just right pig-tails, I was wondering why I wouldn’t do this when I was 16, but I do now that I am 21. Why is it that when you’re in your twenties that you begin to realize at how short life is and that not doing what you want sounds like a pretty silly idea? Yes, pig-tails are a step towards a 16 going on 22 direction, but after years of just feeling intimidated, the feeling of being able to do what you want is quite liberating. The pig-tails are not the moral of the story, I promise : P
I was just wondering about confidence and self-esteem. How come it takes us so long to realize how awesome we really are? All those years wasted feeling totally self-conscious and wanting to be in another body, one that is more “perfect”.
When my family first moved to Canada, I was nine years old and totally overwhelmed. I hated my school, the kids, and the new life…everything was just too complicated! I was in my ugly-duckling stage, a new immigrant and a total outcast in school…struggling to find my own wasn’t easy when my confidence was non-existent. But what I did learn was that no matter what people say or do, nobody can hurt or disappoint you as much as yourself. Your words in comparison to those of others have a much heavier effect. Therefore, by being ourselves’ worst critics, we are only acerbating the problem of having a fragile self.
That was a lesson that took me about ten years to learn and it is still in a testing-mode My childhood experiences of finding a place to belong have shaped me into the person that I am today. No matter how strange it might sound, I am no longer afraid of being myself and not fitting in. To be honest, I don’t even care much of what others think. The worst enemy is in your head, and it is the one that will reduce ones confidence to a size of a dust grain. Feedback, coming from you or others, is useful and helps us improve in a million of ways but being harsh on oneself is not the way to go.
Although we live in the world that feeds us the garbage of “perfection” and the many ways to attain it, it shouldn’t directly affect us. It is the choice you make! Sure, I want to look like one of the super-models with long stems and perfect complexion but I am also not willing to spend my entire life obsessing over my appearance! It is my choice whether I realize at how silly that wish is and go on with my life not wanting to be someone else but wanting to improve on who I am. How much longer are we going to allow others to dictate on what is beautiful and what is not? How much more are we going to be told how to look? How much longer are we going to put up with this garbage?
Sure, I feel totally self-conscious at times but instead of going under the knife to fix my “flaws”, I push myself to respect the body that I have been blessed with. This culture of easy fix your flaws is crazy, I mean really. If you think about it …it is incredibly sick! We are setting an example to a new generation that being dissatisfied with yourself is fine and finding an easy fix is as easy as going to a doctor’s office and snip, snip!
I’ve been pondering these issues for quite some time with every magazine purchase, I become more disappointed and disturbed. Last month I picked up Vogue April Shape issue! In the issue they “embrace all shapes and sizes” by telling you all of the latest plastic surgery procedures and diet plans! They overdose the magazine with “healthy “images of 90 pound supermodels and call it beauty! When is this world going to wake up! WOMEN DO NOT WEIGHT 90 pounds! WE ARE INDIVIDUAL AND ARE NOT CARVED INTO THE SAME CATEGORY!!!! Really, with all of these images stuck in our head how can anyone ever be happy or confident??? Even the girls in those magazines do not look like that! How sick is that truth?
It takes one person to make a change and I believe that every day we spend learning to love ourselves again is definitely much more effective then looking for a perfect plastic surgeon!
WOW!!!! Now that was a rant but one that I feel very strongly about!!! Please, give yourself another chance at loving the body that you’re blessed with. So, you might wonder: how do pig-tails fit into this picture? Let me tell you I’ve always loved pig-tails but figured that they were too silly to try; however, the other day I finally said “F**** IT,” I am going t give them a try! After years of hesitation, I felt incredibly exhilarated by an idea that I finally had enough guts to do as I felt rather than obsess at how someone is going to see me or if I am going fit into the cookie-cutter version of beauty. Now that is how my pig-tails started this rant 
♥ Marc by Marc Jacobs “Miss Marc” Earrings—from Bloomingdales Soho, NYC ♥ Ray Ban Wayfarers—gift from Andrew ♥ Candela “Tokyo Brogues in silver—from Revolveclothing.com ♥ Gustto “Cokera” Purse—from Revolveclothing.com
I sported my new hair-do and this outfit for some fun times with Andrew while picking up custom cookies at Sweet Flour and book browsing! I felt incredibly happy as doing what you want is always the best option!
Well, I am off to run a few errands…. but in the mean time I would really love to hear your opinions 
Please do share!
Wishing Everyone a Beautiful Tuesday!
With Love…
Marta
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37 Responses to Why does it take so long to discover Confidence….
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Great post! All I can say is that I totally understand where you are coming from. I too wasted my youth hating myself and now I wonder why. Those were the years when I was the cutest, ya know? I think all we can do is teach other young people and help them to come to where we are now earlier in their lives, otherwise they will waste a lot of precious time.
Marta, you are so right! I am so glad that you finally had the confidence to try what you liked. It took me a very long time to break out of the stereotype mode… I always thought if you were smart, you couldn’t care about your looks, and if you wanted to be pretty/well-dressed, people wouldn’t think you were smart (you wrote a post about this a while ago!) I am glad that when I turned 19 I realised that I didn’t have to pick one or the other. I love being at university, studying, and acquiring knowledge, and I also love fashion; there is no shame in either of those things! As long as you are true to yourself and as long as your passions don’t hurt anyone else, you need to do what makes you happy. Yes, people still say to me, “Oh, you have a fashion blog, hmmm” and give me that rolling-the-eyes kind of look as though I am really stupid, but I have learned not to care. And I am sure that someone will look at your pigtails and say “gosh, a 21 year old girl in pigtails? Grow up!” But to hell with them! Seriously. We all need to be confident enough to wear and do what we please.
And I’m happy the ‘the industry’ is finally realising the terrible things that airbrushing/dieting/etc in the media has been doing to girls! We all come in different shapes and sizes and colors and styles, and we must embrace who we are. Besides, we are all perfect in our own ways! (I was surprised to hear that even you feel under pressure sometimes… in my eyes, you look perfect in every way!)
Anyway, it looks like my rant has gone on as long as yours, so I will be quiet now
But this was a really great post, and more girls need to have the confidence to do what they like, without caring what other people think!
Amen to that, glad to see someone else has embraced my life’s personal motto
“F*** this shit, we’re doing it my way”
and btw, love the pigtails
Hi Nakita,
As long as you try, that is all that matter! It’s the effort that counts.
Well said…. I absolutely do agree
-Marta
,loving this look and your hair!!!love iole
You look so cute! You are right about the hairstyle I’m 22 and I would do it now but not back then lol sort of funny how that works out
you’re beautiful and will no doubt appreciate this cartoon! http://thedaintysquid.tumblr.com/post/489367107/biostar-autohypnotic
Hi Alexandra,
That’s awesome, that you so much for sharing it
This post is incredible! Thank you so much.
p.s. I love the pigtails.
I completely agree with you! When I was younger I would put on so much make up and try to attain a certain image (especially in highschool) and as I got older I realized that it doesn’t matter what everyone else thinks as long as you are happy with who you are at the end of the day. Great post… you are such an inspiration!!
Oh Marta, your posts always make me smile! I loved reading every bit of this post and I can’t agree more with the statement that you said that your teens are spent trying to fit in while in your twenties you realize life is too short! How true it is!
But I will be a little candid here and say that I give the exact same pep talk to myself all the time when I’m feeling down about myself, but sometimes that nagging feeling just creeps in; maybe just for a day or two where I don’t accept myself for who I am and I do wish that I either looked different, dressed different, etc. Although I don’ think I’d classify myself as having bad self-esteem, I think it’s just an internal struggle when I beat up on myself. Maybe other women go through the same thing, but I’m not sure. I think the biggest tragedy is that other women that I’ve talked to either don’t discuss these things and it eats them up inside, or they are so incredibly critical of themselves that it makes others around them uncomfortable. I would love to have an honest discussion one day about the pressures that North American women face while not being overtly critical of media or the industry, but just an honest inside perspective of what someone feels or thinks.
I think you did that so brilliantly here and I truly do applaud you for that!
oh and ps, your pig tails are *adorable*. And I love that picture of you browsing through the books!
Amen to that!
It takes time and a lot of effort to build confidence - but it’s a wanderful process, and one you can do only by yourself. ANd the results are so worth the effort!
So so adorable !
I’m in love with your necklace !
Sweetie,
you look so cute with pigtails !!! dont EVER listen to anyone telling you you are not good enough ( magazines, etc.). Being an immigrant is hard ( i moved to the US from Russia when I was 16 and started college…fitting in with the American kids is sure hard ). Anyways,
keep doing what you are doing !!!
poka !
Spasibo Alina
Amazing post!
I immigrated to Canada when I was 4, and I never fit in at elementary school. Everyone made fun of me because I was Lithuanian, I couldn’t speak English that well, and so on. It was tough. I think grade 12 was when I started to care less about what other people thought. I started my blog and I realised that I had something to offer. Now that I’m in university I don’t care at all about what people think.
Ughhh, magazines. I know. They tell you to embrace who you are, and then the next page is how to lose weight. THe diets they present are completely stupid, and in general I just don’t like magazines that much anymore.
Anyways, great outfit! Love those pigtails.
Darling,i agree with you!
Thank you!
I think it’s okay for a girl to want to lose some weight or get more fit, BUT only if they want to improve their overall health and not for anything appearance related.
What I have a problem with is, and I have to give you an example after, are girls who diet (aka STARVE) for a specific event. I have a friend who told me that she “worked out everyday and ate salad” the 2 months prior to a pool party for a friend’s birthday. Really? Why can’t working out say, 2 times a week every week and eating healthy everyday be their goal? I don’t get it.
Also, my job sometimes doesn’t permit me to have a regular lunch everyday because I’m usually on the road. I told one of my co-workers that and she said “isn’t that good? then you can lose some calories”.
REALLY??????? By the way, these are educated girls, one applying to do her MA, the other finished her BA with me.
So as much as confidence has to do with age, it also has to do with how you educate yourself about what is a healthy lifestyle and appearance.
Hi Jessie,
I am all for caring about yourself and staying fit, but taking drastic measures is never a good idea. Actions like that scare me, have you ever considered taking to your friend
Well, we’ve talked about eating better because she always comments on how “healthy” my meals are when we go out for dinner. But she always reacts with “oh I eat well when I’m at home” then goes on to give me examples. :S
And then I always get the “ugh, you’re so skinny, blah blah blah” and then it makes me uncomfortable so we don’t talk about it anymore. We have really different body types…. I’ll leave it there.
Wait till you get to your 40s. Then you feel really adventurous
Quite looking forward to that, adventure is always fun
aww…..you look so cute!
Thank you Allie!
Oh and a radome question…I’m looking to buy some Bloch flats. Are they true to size? or should I order 1/2 up?
Thanks! <3
Hi Allie,
Sorry for the late reply
The Bloch flats run true to size.
I thought this post was fantastic, and it embodies everything I’m trying so hard to do! I know how you’re feeling with the immigrant thing (though mine slightly varies). I remember when the opposite sex started becoming attractive in middle school, and I was left with NOTHING. I started blaming it on my Asian ethnicity and weight, and it was just a MESS. I’m so glad you said Fuck it! and wore those pigtails. I imagine it WAS liberating; congrats to you!
Nice outfit! You look so cute!
I’m glad you wrote this post and even gladder you finally summoned the courage to wear pigtails at 21!
I think we should all love ourselves just the way we were made and then the magazines won’t get to us. As long as one lives a healthy lifestyle, that’s all that matters.
I feel your pain…I moved here from Odessa when I was nine too. It was a difficult age for such a drastic change (rhyme unintended.) In middle school, all the ‘pretty, popular’ girls looked and dressed the same and I tried so hard to be like them in all aspects; talking, clothes, attitude… It took some years to realize that I will never be one of those girls. And I’m glad. Wouldn’t it suck if we were all the same?
[...] my previous post, I was just really hoping to encourage even one woman to embrace herself, even if it is for a mere [...]
you are freaking adorable. and yes, i know that ugly duckling/awkward phase… i never looked like the cutesie blonde popular girls… always tall, skinny, and weird. and i just kind of hid behind fashion instead of being gutsy with it. so when i finally realized that i had to except the way i looked and who i was… come to find out, confidence is sexy. and now the popular blonde girls facebook me to ask about fashion… so ha!
it’s still hard to not compare yourself to chanel iman or jessica stamp, i mean, we are human… but at the end of the day we just have to know that we are genius as is. love the post!!!!
http://laurenlanzaosias.blogspot.com
met gala review, the good, bad and hot messes…
Hi Marta,
That was a really great and inspiring post! Thanks so much for sharing that with us. I can relate to what you were saying; I moved to Canada when I was six (from England) and I had a really strong English accent, and kids laughed at me all the time because of the way I spoke. I was so eager to sound more “Canadian” and eventually lost my accent. When I tell people now they always say “oh that sucks that you lost your accent it would of been cool if you still had it.” But it’s not so cool when you’re nine and you’re the kid that sounds funny :p
Anyway, your post, and other people’s comments have actually inspired my “workout wednesday” post for tomorrow…
- Christina
PS those pigtails look super cute on you and I love the perfect waves in your hair!
[...] strive to be healthy - even if that means there’s a little chub and flub. Marta from With Love…actually wrote a really great post on discovering confidence. That post, along with the comments [...]
[...] can strive to be is healthy — even if that means there’s a little chub and flub. Marta from With Love…actually wrote a really great post on discovering confidence. That post, along with the comments [...]