Why does it take so long to discover Confidence....

Nine to Five

May 4

As I was trying to achieve perfectly aligned pig-tails…not too high, not too low, not too perky, but just right pig-tails, I was wondering why I wouldn’t do this when I was 16, but I do now that I am 21. Why is it that when you’re in your twenties that you begin to realize at how short life is and that not doing what you want sounds like a pretty silly idea? Yes, pig-tails are a step towards a 16 going on 22 direction, but after years of just feeling intimidated, the feeling of being able to do what you want is quite liberating. The pig-tails are not the moral of the story, I promise : P

I was just wondering about confidence and self-esteem. How come it takes us so long to realize how awesome we really are? All those years wasted feeling totally self-conscious and wanting to be in another body, one that is more “perfect”.

When my family first moved to Canada, I was nine years old and totally overwhelmed. I hated my school, the kids, and the new life…everything was just too complicated! I was in my ugly-duckling stage, a new immigrant and a total outcast in school…struggling to find my own wasn’t easy when my confidence was non-existent. But what I did learn was that no matter what people say or do, nobody can hurt or disappoint you as much as yourself. Your words in comparison to those of others have a much heavier effect. Therefore, by being ourselves’ worst critics, we are only acerbating the problem of having a fragile self.

That was a lesson that took me about ten years to learn and it is still in a testing-mode My childhood experiences of finding a place to belong have shaped me into the person that I am today. No matter how strange it might sound, I am no longer afraid of being myself and not fitting in. To be honest, I don’t even care much of what others think. The worst enemy is in your head, and it is the one that will reduce ones confidence to a size of a dust grain. Feedback, coming from you or others, is useful and helps us improve in a million of ways but being harsh on oneself is not the way to go.

Although we live in the world that feeds us the garbage of “perfection” and the many ways to attain it, it shouldn’t directly affect us. It is the choice you make! Sure, I want to look like one of the super-models with long stems and perfect complexion but I am also not willing to spend my entire life obsessing over my appearance! It is my choice whether I realize at how silly that wish is and go on with my life not wanting to be someone else but wanting to improve on who I am. How much longer are we going to allow others to dictate on what is beautiful and what is not? How much more are we going to be told how to look? How much longer are we going to put up with this garbage?

Sure, I feel totally self-conscious at times but instead of going under the knife to fix my “flaws”, I push myself to respect the body that I have been blessed with. This culture of easy fix your flaws is crazy, I mean really. If you think about it …it is incredibly sick! We are setting an example to a new generation that being dissatisfied with yourself is fine and finding an easy fix is as easy as going to a doctor’s office and snip, snip!

I’ve been pondering these issues for quite some time with every magazine purchase, I become more disappointed and disturbed. Last month I picked up Vogue April Shape issue! In the issue they “embrace all shapes and sizes” by telling you all of the latest plastic surgery procedures and diet plans! They overdose the magazine with “healthy “images of 90 pound supermodels and call it beauty! When is this world going to wake up! WOMEN DO NOT WEIGHT 90 pounds! WE ARE INDIVIDUAL AND ARE NOT CARVED INTO THE SAME CATEGORY!!!! Really, with all of these images stuck in our head how can anyone ever be happy or confident??? Even the girls in those magazines do not look like that! How sick is that truth?

It takes one person to make a change and I believe that every day we spend learning to love ourselves again is definitely much more effective then looking for a perfect plastic surgeon!

WOW!!!! Now that was a rant but one that I feel very strongly about!!! Please, give yourself another chance at loving the body that you’re blessed with. So, you might wonder: how do pig-tails fit into this picture? Let me tell you I’ve always loved pig-tails but figured that they were too silly to try; however, the other day I finally said “F**** IT,” I am going t give them a try! After years of hesitation, I felt incredibly exhilarated by an idea that I finally had enough guts to do as I felt rather than obsess at how someone is going to see me or if I am going fit into the cookie-cutter version of beauty. Now that is how my pig-tails started this rant :P

I am wearing:

♥ American Apparel tri-blend scrimmage shirt in athletic gray—American Apparel Sherway

♥ Rory Beca Silk Skirt with stars—from Shopbop.com

♥ Mike & Chris "Paul" Leather Hoodie— from Holt Renfrew Last Call

♥ Tiffany&Co. Key Necklace—gift from Andrew

♥ Marc by Marc Jacobs "Miss Marc" Earrings—from Bloomingdales Soho, NYC

♥ Ray Ban Wayfarers—gift from Andrew

♥ Candela "Tokyo Brogues in silver—from Revolveclothing.com

♥ Gustto "Cokera" Purse—from Revolveclothing.com

I sported my new hair-do and this outfit for some fun times with Andrew while picking up custom cookies at Sweet Flour and book browsing! I felt incredibly happy as doing what you want is always the best option!