Jealousy in a Relationship
Hello Darlings, Jealous guy? Green-eyed girl? You're putting a stain on your relationship.
Feeling insecure about your partner? You’re not alone. Jealous feelings are experienced by many people in relationships and luckily there’s plenty of ways to deal with them. I went straight to the relationship expert at eHarmony Canada for advice on how to deal with the green monster! Here's what I learned.
Why do we feel jealous?
Jealousy is rooted in insecurity. When we feel jealous in a relationship, we feel as though our bond with our partner is under threat. A situation arises which feels dangerous, as if it may destroy something we value – are we being delusional or are we right to worry?
The truth is, a small amount of jealousy is not bad. When we feel very attached to someone, it’s not surprising that occasionally we may worry about losing them. Whether you’ve met your partner through a friend or online, it's natural to want them all to yourself – but you have to be careful and mindful. However, jealous feelings can also be very damaging and ironically cause a lot more harm than the perceived threat ever could. What can we do if we are being disturbed by jealous feelings on a regular basis?
Why being honest is best
Clamping down on jealousy is a recipe for disaster. You feel insecure, panicked and out of control yet you fear letting on to your partner because you’re not sure how they’ll react. By denying yourself an outlet for your feelings, you run the risk of becoming irritated or even angry with your partner or behaving in a passive aggressive manner. If you’re not used to being open with your feelings, it might feel terrifying to consider opening a conversation with "I've been feeling jealous." Being open about how you feel will ease some of the pressure and help you to enjoy your partner’s company just the same as always.
When do we feel jealous?
It is entirely possible to explain how you feel without pointing fingers. It may be helpful to first identify times when your jealous feelings are strongest and then ask for your partner’s help in overcoming them. For example, if you feel insecure about your partner spending time with friends of the opposite sex you could ask to be introduced to them or suggest that you all meet up together. You don’t have to push down on your feelings but neither do you have to place blame.
What’s going on with you?
Jealousy is rarely caused by one partner’s suspicious behavior. If you’re experiencing regular pangs of jealousy, it could be worth exploring your feelings further. How do you feel about yourself generally? Are there any times where you feel insecure or negative about your personal attributes or achievements? Thinking about the root cause of your jealousy will help you not to obsess over your partner’s behavior.
How to handle it
Feeling jealous is not a sign that the relationship is doomed. The more leeway you give yourself to deal with your feelings, the better you will eventually feel. Don’t forget to give yourself credit – wanting to deal with your jealous feelings is the first step to beating them.
So if you're in a situation where the green monster keeps peaking out, it is best to be open to sharing your concerns.
Images via Pinterest
*in collaboration with eHarmony Canada. The views and opinions expressed are my own.