Hello Darlings, In less than a month it’s my 24th birthday, and with every passing day my anxiety increases wondering if I am making wise decisions with my life: Am I happy with my career direction? Should I continue to improve on my education? Should I rent or buy? Should I be starting to invest in a retirement fund? Do I need life insurance? When is the right time for marriage? Will I ever have the time for kids?
If only there was a check list of things one must figure out before turning the “serious” and “I have my stuff together” age of thirty. As Carrie Bradshaw said, “twenties are for mistakes and thirties are to pay for them.”
High schools, colleges and universities are supposed to prepare us for the “real world”, but really what do they teach us? Yes, it is great that I know calculus and trigonometry, but what if I have no idea how to invest or for that matter what to do with my savings? In school, they don’t teach you how to buy a house or how to find the best mortgage – but shouldn’t they given that buying a house is probably one of the most important things everyone does in their life?
To be frank, I am disappointed in our school system that I am now Google-ing and buying Dummies guides on mortgages and how to invest, and reading “He’s Just Not That Into You” for dating advice. How come they don’t teach us the most important stuff in school! But I sure am glad that I know Gaudi’s work like the alphabet.
I AM WEARING: Wilfred Giulia Silk Blouse // Club Monaco Marianna Jacquard City Shorts // Tiffany & Co. trefoil key pendant and chain // Pandora Leather Charm Bracelet // Coach Madison Lindsey Satchel // Fendi Wedges
In reality, my school turned out to be just a “checked a box” milestone that taught me little for the so-called real world. School was a safe haven for a few years, and while occasionally thinking of doing a Masters, I realize for long-term success it’s just not the right path for me now.
As I sit behind my desk, I wonder if Carrie’s wisdom really holds true “are twenties really for mistakes?” From what I can tell, there is lots of pressure and very little room for any mistakes. And the uneasy feeling of not having my life all “figured out” gets stronger with every passing day…
Do you (or did you) feel the same pressure to have it all figured out before thirty?I would love your input for my next post… the top 20 things that a girl should learn in her 20′s.
With Love…
Marta
I don’t think we ever have it all figured out. I’m in my thirties and still have the same questions. I think the difference is that those questions are still there but I don’t worry about them any more. Career, marriage, kids, mortgages. . .there is really no point in worrying about those things. When the time is right in your life, it will be an easy decision. I think society pressures us into thinking that 30 is a magic number where all of a sudden you have to have everything figured out and you become an “adult”. Well, from someone who is in her 30′s, I can tell you that’s not true. I really don’t feel any older than when I was in my 20′s. I can say that I’m much wiser, more confident and much happier, but still don’t have it all figured out, and I’m okay with that. If there is one piece of advice I could give someone in their 20′s, it’s that life only gets better as you age, so try not to worry.
xo Jenny
http://www.crazystylelove.com
Jenny, thank you so much for such a thoughtful comment!
I’ve heard it before and glad to hear it again that life gets better as you age. It really does seem that society puts a lot of pressure on the entire idea of turning 30.
I am currently 24 and my life isn’t solidly laid out, nothing in life is completely “solid.” When I was in high school and naive, I figured I would have graduated from college by now, been a wildly successful as a massage therapist, engaged and finding a huge house to move into. I didn’t anticipate that my interests would change and I would drop out of college part way. I did find love, but we’re not engaged yet and I’m not sure if we will be. I found a job that paid me well, but I became so stressed with it, that I had to leave. I have had a couple jobs after that, but nothing that has lasted long. Right now I am exploring Newdoundland with my parents and falling in love with Canada and people again (the job I quit over stress made me dislike people considerably and left me bitter). This province has inspired me, the people are quite friendly and helpful and it’s so beautiful here.
I have tentative plans to take the Tea Sommelier course in Ottawa, but I need to get a well enough paying job to save up for it. I would love to work for DAVIDsTEA or other tea shops and to write my own tea blog. We shall see.
So my dear Marta, do not fret, you still have lots to learn. Try to make friends with an older person, they can help teach you and so can your parents. And your plans won’t always work out, you have to be flexible and adapt to what life throws you. Hope for the best, but always be prepared
What a thoughtful post Julie – thanks!
And great advice to help me with the follow-up article.
I will message my friends at DAVIDsTEA who are amazing guys, and hopefully they can help with your interest in tea as a career
Thank you so much, Marta, that would be wonderful!
Another little gem: people can surprise you. Mostly my experience with this was when nice people became angry seemingly out of nowhere on the phone when trying to help them. However, as of late, people have been incredibly kind and helpful, such as yourself! It is good to see and get to know good, kind people!
I just turned 25 on August 1, 2012 and I can say that my life certainly has not turned out the way I thought it would but I believe that life is a constant learning experience. At 21, I bought my first home without knowing anything about mortgages, homes, etc. I had started working in my career (Law Clerk) in 2007 and had saved up some money. I moved in with my then boyfriend, engaged and married within a year and a half, sold my home last year and just bought my second home.
Is this what I though would have happened in the last four years? No, but it’s all about making yourself happy and learning from everything around you.
Thanks for sharing your experiences Patricia. Agree totally that life is a constant learning experience. What I wanted a few years ago is now quite different, and some of the best advice that I’ve received is to remember to focus on all of the positive accomplishments, because too often people bring themselves down by dwelling on any negatives.
Congratulations for sure on buying TWO HOUSES by the time you are 25, and of course HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
I didn’t feel like that at all. I just let life take it’s course. My 20′s were for getting adjusted into the “real world”. To start adjusting to a 9-5 job instead of odd class schedules, only 2 weeks vacation instead of an entire summer break, bills instead of books, managing money instead of spending it stupidly on drinks, etc. and to just start learning how to do stuff on my own.
Thanks Evelyn.
What did you take in school? Maybe that’s part of the challenge since some people who take more career-defined courses have a better direction when they finish school… I guess that’s just common sense, but in trying to figure out the suggestions for my follow-up article it’s some interesting perspective to explore.
I am 27 years old. When I was a kid, I thought that by this time in my life I’d be some corporate hot-shot on my way to the top who was maybe getting married soon. When I was 15, I got sick with a chronic debilitating illness. After that, I decided that I should probably get married around 25 and maybe a career in academia would better suit my health situation (I planned to finish my Ph.D. around age 27-28). But I started university and met my future husband when I was just 19. We got married when I was 23 because it was the right time for us. And I discovered that as much as I was passionate about my subject, I didn’t enjoy the working environment. A year ago, I completed my Master’s in Applied Mathematics and Theoretical Physics and I chose to move on. I tried to work a full-time but over time my health problems have been getting worse and two months into my job, my body just collapsed. I’ve spent the last 9 months trying to stabalize my health. But we also just bought a house in my absolutely favourite area of Toronto. This is not how I’ve ever pictured my 20s. How could I? It’s been more difficult and painful (with my health) than I could have imagined, but it’s been more wonderful (with my husband, friends, family, and my puppy) than I could have imagined. The most remarkable thing to me is that I am stronger and more adaptable than I ever thought I could be. That’s been far more vauable to me than anything I know or don’t know about mortgages or life insurance….or calculus.
Sonia, that is such an inspiring response! Thank you so much for sharing.
In a way, I can relate overcoming an illness as I have been injured in a car accident few years ago and still continue to be challenged by the side-effects. Looking back, I still can’t believe how in a moment life can change but as you’ve said dealing with it and overcoming the difficulties is very empowering.
I wish you the best of luck and a speedy recovery
Hi Marta!
I, too, feel some pressure as I move on with my life into the so called ” serious” stage. A friend of mine suggested this read “The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–And How to Make the Most of Them Now”. Haven’t had the time to check it out myself yet, but I think it may be a good source for advice and may answer some puzzling questions:)
Thank you Anna for the suggestion! I will surely look into it
love the shirt
Hi Marta,
I totally understand your feelings when you said there is lots of pressure and very little room for any mistakes. I am 26 this year. Graduated from uni two years ago, I went straight into the serious working life with little pay, little holidays, lots of OT and a drained body each day. This is definitely not how i pictured my 20s. I thought i would be married by 25, have kids, own a house by the lake. Panic kicked in at that time. I was so anxious each day worrying about my decisions that I dint even get to feel joy nor peace. Finally left my job half a year ago and went into starting my own business. To be frank, i know nothing about starting a business. I was at first worried and nervous if this is the right thing to do. But now i’ve come to understand these daily experiences is what build me to be a better and stronger me. Also, these experiences are what makes my life colorful.
Do not be anxious Martha. Live along to what comes along your way and enjoy them. God bless!
I’ll be thirty in a few shirt years, so I sure hope I won’t be paying for my twenties! haha.
I hear you though. I definitely feel there is alot of pressure to have everything figured out by then, and it’s hard! I was in school for 7 years, so I entered the game of life at a later age. Now I’m starting my own business so the thought of juggling that with he prospect of marriage, a house, kids, retirement saving, etc are a bit scary and overwhelming.
In the end, I think it’s different for everyone and we shouldn’t focus on what’s “expected of us” but rather whats “right for us individually”.