How to Break Up & Move On

Hello Darlings, Break up and move on — easier said, than done! I mean really, how do you just let go of the past and look forward to the future with all the hope in the world? Let’s be frank, you can’t. Not until you’ve spent too much money on shoes, had a terrible hangover or two, taken a ridiculously expensive vacation and gained 5 pounds. The reality of breaking up is that there is no easy way and it will hurt and hurt brutally. However it is in those moments when the ice cream doesn’t even taste good anymore and that expensive pair of shoes is in fact kinda ugly, that you need to adjust your perspective. Break ups suck. You get hurt. You get over. End of the story. 

How to Break up & Move on

Couple of years ago on a spring afternoon, I packed my life as I knew it into two suitcases and left my Montreal home. It took one morning, one revelation and my entire life came crushing down. That’s the thing about people, the ones that are closest to you tend to hurt you most. Aside from a fact that we had a toxic relationship, it was also one where I was being constantly told that I am nothing without him. After I left,  I really did feel like nothing.

tumblr_njdd6btXQs1u7lq9jo1_250Looking back, I do not regret what has happened as I am much tougher now. Will I ever be the same person, definitely not. Once an experience had an impact on your life, you never go back to the way you were. The scars will always be there as permanent reminders, and you will look at relationships in a different light. For me the experience had less to do with my feelings getting hurt but the toll that it took on my self esteem and confidence. Aside from the betrayal, my business also became a target. Everything that I worked for since university years I was at risk of losing. Unlike hurt feelings heal, that type of betrayal never leaves your side.

tumblr_nkfwmaZpTk1u7lq9jo1_250So while I may have never shared this before, I hope that by doing so I can encourage one woman to leave a relationship that is toxic. Simply because it is not worth sacrificing yourself for. You may think that this person has your best interest at heart and that this is their way of caring, it’s not. Nor is it healthy. Until this day, I believe in great relationships and the love and support that another individual can bring into life. However whenever there is more negative than positive, what’s the point? Relationships are supposed to make us stronger, not the opposite.

With time I learned that I am just as happy on my own as I am with a partner. It took a long time to get to this point, I am not going to lie. And while most of my friends are happily coupled, I am glad to have dedicated the past few years to work and myself. I’ve established my business with an investor, launched TheYouthSociety.com, and purchased my first home however most importantly I am proud of the woman that I am becoming. There is no feeling worse for a woman than to doubt and question your self-worth. Hopefully with time, every woman learns to embrace herself and her shortcomings. It’s important to support one another and there are so many wonderful ways to do it.

I am very happy to be a part of Break Up and Move global initiative with stops at 6 Canadian universities. Each event is open to everyone, not just students and includes free yoga class followed by a discussion with relationship expert Kimberly Moffit and health expert. The upcoming two events are at Western and Ottawa universities, with all of the details above.

Just remember that healing takes time and there’s no point rushing, especially by jumping into another relationship. Don’t try to cover your weakness with companionship, but instead focus on yourself. Allow yourself to be upset and hurt, then go out into the world and do what makes you happy! My parents always tell me that a right person will add to your life, so while that person may or may not come along doesn’t mean that my life will be on pause. Live your life wholeheartedly because you’re the only person that can make it complete.

With Love…

Marta

*in collaboration with Narrative PR. The views and opinions expressed are my own.

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3 Comments

  1. Andra
    March 25, 2015 / 2:50 pm

    I am happily married and my husband and I have 2 beautiful children together. The biggest thing about our relationship (we’ve been together almost 14 years) is that we don’t complete each other, we complement eachother. We both know this. I think it takes a few heartaches and breakups to realize that nobody should “complete” you. You are your own person, and should be complete without anyone else involved. You should be happy with yourself, with exactly who you are. We complement each other, we support each other and pick each other up. That is what’s kept our relationship going. I support him to be exactly who he is, and he supports me to be exactly who I am. We are all meant to shine and if anyone makes you feel like you are less without them, you are much, much better off without them.

    • April 7, 2015 / 6:28 pm

      Hi Andra,
      Thank you so much for such a thoughtful comment. I couldn’t agree more with every word that you said. Being young I definitely learnt it the hard way especially by being consumed by a toxic relationship but I think I’ve learned a great lesson. Going forward I definitely hope to be in a supportive couple as you’ve described, as it is exactly how my parents are as well.

      Marta 🙂

  2. Ilona Falk
    June 20, 2015 / 3:58 am

    I very much needed to read something like this- thank you! ❤️ Been going through this (first breakup- and we both love each other but it’s situationally toxic) after a 6 year relationship and I find the ‘two steps forward one back’ thing. I think I am fine and then something triggers a fond memory and the difficulty comes in refusing to contact him and fall back into the motions of a relationship that is painful for both of us. Got to stay strong to move forward!

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